like a sculpture thrown to the floor

Text to Sam

Mon, 30 Jul 2012 15:21:13 -0400

Sam(9: 15AM): It's okay, Kurt, really. I have to get ready for my meeting anyway.
Kurt(9: 12PM): I hope your meeting went well.
Kurt(9: 13PM) It's done. He's gone. Almost every piece of him from the apartment.
Sam(9: 20PM): It did, thanks. He wanted to know of I wanted to push the release back to give myself time to mourn but I said no.
Sam(9: 21PM): I'm sorry you had to go through that alone. I saw the video on Facebook. How are you doing?
Kurt(9:23PM): I'm okay. I'm...alive.

Text to Sam

Fri, 27 Jul 2012 11:34:35 -0400

Kurt(8: 45AM): I don't know if I can do this.
Sam(8: 52AM): What? What can't you do?
Kurt(9: 01AM): Go to my apartment.
Sam(9: 05AM): No one says you have to go today. If you're not ready give yourself another day. It's okay.
Kurt(9: 06AM): I have to go. I have to get this over with.
Kurt(9: 08AM): Sorry It's super early for you isn't it...fuck. Sorry.
Sam(9: 12AM): Text me later if you need anything.
Sam(9: 15AM): It's okay, Kurt, really. I have to get ready for my meeting anyway.
Kurt(9:12PM): I hope your meeting went well.
Kurt(9:13PM) It's done. He's gone. Almost every piece of him from the apartment.

And Nothing Was Okay || SOLO

Thu, 26 Jul 2012 22:23:12 -0400

No Need To Say Goodbye.

Kurt stared at the sign above the door to his and Blaine’s apartment. He couldn’t handle looking forward once he’d walked in, so he turned around, and he saw the sign. It was their motto. They didn’t say goodbye. Never. Because, like the song the lyric was from, ‘you’ll come back, when they call you.’ So when they left, they’d yell that they loved each other and that would be the end of their ‘goodbye’ so to speak. Now it made Kurt’s heart hurt. Because he’d had to say goodbye to Blaine, and he could cry out forever, and he would never see Blaine again. Not in real life.

He turned back around slowly, glancing across the neat apartment. Neither he nor Blaine were big on messes, it was part of the reason they worked as well as they did. But there was a piano at the back of the living room, and a guitar beside it. Kurt’s eyes fell closed as his chest heaved. He was glad that he had asked Rachel not to come with him, because he didn’t want her to see him like this. He slid back against the door to his apartment and broke down.

When he could breathe again, what felt like an eternity later, he walked to the piano and played a few keys softly.

“Donate it.” A voice in his head that sounded suspiciously like Blaine told him. “Send it where it can do the best good. It’s what I’d want.”

Great now Kurt was being haunted by his dead lover.

“Yeah I got this, thanks.” Kurt realized he was talking to himself, and laughed quietly. “You’re such a giving fucking person Blaine. I’m going to donate everything of yours.” He said, as he took a sticky note from his pocket marked with a ‘D’ and stuck it to the piano.

Everything of Blaine’s would go. The piano to a low budget school for the elementary music program. His clothing to the charity he and Blaine loved, which helped the homeless in the city, and wasn’t anti-homosexuality. Almost all of Blaine’s clothing went, except for his McKinley Glee Hoody, which Kurt could still smell him on, and a Dalton blazer, which Kurt tucked back into the back of his closet. He kept Blaine’s hat that he’d had since High School, and a few of his bowties because they embodied everything Blaine loved about life.

Blaine just loved. That was what Kurt kept coming back to. He’d break down into sobs if he came across some little sign of Blaine’s love, like the box of notes he’d found in the closet, everything he and Blaine had ever written to each other. He’d found the note Blaine had scratched his proposal onto, smiling and laughing as he fingered the ring on his finger.

It was when he had to load up Blaine’s computer to wipe his harddrive that he found what broke his heart. He, just to see what came up, searched his name. He found a video file marked ‘for Kurt’ which he opened.

He knew he was going to regret it as the music to teenage dream greeted him. “Hey Kurt.” Blaine was saying. He was sitting crosslegged on their bed, in a pair of jeans and a T-shirt, with his guitar across his lap, “I guess we got married a few minutes ago, right? Well. Just.. in case you needed a reminder, I love you, and I just…I wanted to play this for you.” And Blaine dove into a montage of everything they’d ever sang together, or to one another, from Teenage Dream to It’s Not Right, to Perfect. He ended with Somewhere Only We Know, and Kurt sobbed. “Just to remind you of how much I love you. Forever and Always, Until death do us part.”

The video ended, and Kurt wiped at his eyes. “Until death do us part.” He repeated, wiping at his eyes. “I love you so much, Blaine.”

He posted the video to his facebook account with the caption ‘even in death…’ and then wiped Blaine’s harddrive.

He sat on their bed for a long time, quiet and waiting for something to feel right, to feel okay.

He watched the clock.

Time ticked by.

And nothing was okay.

youngartist12: Regina Spektor — The Call

Thu, 26 Jul 2012 20:31:14 -0400

youngartist12:

Regina Spektor — The Call

Text to Sam

Thu, 26 Jul 2012 20:26:37 -0400

Text to Sam

Thu, 26 Jul 2012 11:37:39 -0400

Kurt(3: 54PM): Landed in New York about an hour ago.
Kurt(8: 03PM): Text me when you land please.
Sam(12: 01AM): Hey, we just landed 20 minutes ago.
Sam(1: 11AM): We're safe in LA. How are you doing?
Kurt(1: 12AM): Good.
Kurt(1: 13AM): I'm...okay. I'm at Rachel's tonight. I'll go to my apartment in the morning.
Sam(1: 20AM): Oh, okay. I'm glad your with Rachel tonight. I'm going to get settled and then try to get some sleep.
Sam(1: 21am): Call me if you need to talk later.
Kurt(8: 45AM): I don't know if I can do this.
Sam(8: 52AM): What? What can't you do?
Kurt(9:01AM): Go to my apartment.

Text to Sam

Wed, 25 Jul 2012 23:03:57 -0400

Text to Sam

Wed, 25 Jul 2012 10:04:48 -0400

Text to Sam

Wed, 25 Jul 2012 00:56:47 -0400

Kurt: Landed in New York about an hour ago.
Kurt: Text me when you land please.

Questions to No One || Solo

Tue, 24 Jul 2012 13:56:20 -0400

Kurt had memorialized and buried his husband to be.

He had watched as they lowered the casket into the ground on the edge of the Anderson estate where all the Andersons had been buried. Where Kurt could never be laid to rest beside his beloved partner.

He had spoken with the Andersons, told them about his and Blaine’s plans. They had agreed not to withhold the inheritance.

He had said goodbye to his father, kissed his cheek, and told him to send Carole his love, because the woman couldn’t face him.

But there was one thing he had left to do. Before he packed up, once again, and left Ohio, once again, this time never to return. There was one person he had to talk to, a loose end he had to tie up.

“Why did you do it, Finn?” He asked, softly, kneeling in the dirt next to the recently added headstone. “What happened that made you hate us all, or hate yourself enough to want to do this? They were your friends.” He traced the lettering on the tombstone with one long, pale finger, “I’m your brother. Blaine would have been your brother in law. Why him? I just…Finn I don’t understand why you took him from me and I need to understand why you took him from me.” There were tears streaming down Kurt’s face as his head fell, limp hair hanging.

“I didn’t expect to see you here.”

Kurt’s head shot up, bloodshot grey-green-blue eyes fell onto the woman who he had called his mother for the last five years. “Carole.” He said softly, standing and wiping the dirt from his hands and knees. “I just…I needed to talk to him.” He glanced back down, “I need to understand.” He broke because he could, because Carole claimed to love him, and a mothers love, not from someone as genuine as Carole, never went away. “I need to know what happened to him. What made him so sad that he had to…” The word fell out of his mouth like a cruel saying, “Take Blaine from me. Why he took Brittany from Santana. Why he took all of our friends away.”

Carole’s eyes filled with tears, “I’m so sorry, Kurt.” She said, bringing her hands to her mouth, “I’m so sorry that he did this. I don’t understand it either.” Tears fell, “He is my son. And I don’t know what could have possessed him to kill his friends, his best friends, and people he held close enough to be family.” She reached out her arms for Kurt, “I’m so sorry that I couldn’t talk to you, I just…he’s my son and you all hate him. I still love him.”

Kurt fell into her open arms, willing and giving, “I don’t hate him, Carole.” He said softly, holding her tight, “I just don’t understand. I’m angry. I want Blaine back but Blaine isn’t coming back. I need to know what possessed Finn to do this to all of us, why he had to take him, take all of them. Why he didn’t just…talk to us.” He stroked her back.

“I want to know too, Kurt.” She sobbed against his shoulder, “He was my baby boy.”

Kurt rocked her, “You’re not alone, Carole, not this time. You have Burt, you have me.”

Carole pulled back, “You’ve always been a son to me.”

Kurt’s smile was sad, broken, and there was something missing, but he tried for it anyway, “And you’re a second chance at having a mom.” He kissed her forehead, “I’m going to miss my flight. I have to get out of here.” He wiped her tears away and then his own, “Take care of Dad for me, okay?”

Carole nodded and released him. As he walked away, she called out, “Kurt.” And he stopped, “I’ll take care of Burt, I promise, but…if you ever need anything, honey, call. We know you’re hurting. I lost my husband, Burt lost your mom, we know how it feels, we know the pain, please, don’t…don’t do something rash.”

Kurt turned around and flashed the beautifully broken smile, “I think everyone has lost enough, doing something rash isn’t on the top of my list.”

And then he was gone.

Private~

Mon, 23 Jul 2012 22:43:17 -0400

beautifullybrokenlopez:

Whatever Liza.

They’re going to be fabulous and fierce, San, like you and I. And we’ll teach them to love like Blaine and Brittany did.

Private~

Mon, 23 Jul 2012 22:31:14 -0400

beautifullybrokenlopez:

I don’t hate all men Hummel, just the ones who fuck with me.

Well there will certainly be nothing of the ‘fucking’ nature when it comes to conception. You don’t have the right parts, Sorry San.

Private~

Mon, 23 Jul 2012 22:20:22 -0400

beautifullybrokenlopez:

Think you can handle me being a baby mama?

As long as you actually let me be a father and not smother the child with your man hating ways.

Private~

Mon, 23 Jul 2012 21:54:50 -0400

beautifullybrokenlopez:

Right that…thanks. If you need someone…you still have me if you need me.

Thanks, Tana. I’ll keep that in mind. That…would be how Blaine and Britt would have wanted it to be anyway.

Private~

Mon, 23 Jul 2012 17:28:45 -0400

beautifullybrokenlopez:

I really can’t be in New York right now. You’ll have Berry and I’ll have Q, it’ll have to work for now. And I don’t think I can answer that right now.

We’ll get through this, Santana. And…the agreement we had, if you ever still…need someone, I’m here, okay?

Quinn has always had quite the domineering personality.

Mon, 23 Jul 2012 17:20:51 -0400

quinnisalive:

I just know what I want.

Ahh.

Private~

Mon, 23 Jul 2012 17:19:30 -0400

beautifullybrokenlopez:

Are you going to be okay, Santana? If you need to come to New York, just…come home.

Private~

Mon, 23 Jul 2012 17:14:22 -0400

beautifullybrokenlopez:

Quinn has always had quite the domineering personality.

Mon, 23 Jul 2012 17:08:48 -0400

Private~

Mon, 23 Jul 2012 17:06:38 -0400

beautifullybrokenlopez: